i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
