just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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