My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
