You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize