Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
