eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
