i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
