I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
