Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
