Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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