So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
