Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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