Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's blow job season.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
