This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
