I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
