i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
