:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
