I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
