yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
