Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
