You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
