Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
