found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sober January is a disaster.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
