(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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