and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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