All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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