I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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