They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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