Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
