just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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