Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
