I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
