This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
