living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
