i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
