I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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