If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
