just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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