I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
