i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
