she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
