my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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