my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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