wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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