You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
