I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
