Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
