put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
