I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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