How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
