the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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