And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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