i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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