well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
