I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
These tits shall not be calmed
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