i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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