just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
