yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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