she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He better not be in your backpack
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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