Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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