Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
