so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
