just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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