So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
