I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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