we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
