I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
even my farts smell like vagina
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize