shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
