At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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