there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
